A day in the life

13 pop-ups...

So... i have not been regular about posting.. i temporarily lost the charger for my digi-camera and i was a lost girl w. a dead battery! I am happy to report... i found it!

13 things on my mind today in random order...

1- the pending trip to Texas - I am obsessing over my to do list before we leave

2- bills... paid bills today  - I have serious issues w. my waterbill... it is one of the FEW bills that I cannot pay online.. or set up as automatic and it is frequently forgot about.. and then I end up paying 2 months at a time... i need to get better about this bill...

3 - my new washer and dryer.. dang do i love them! i am not the biggest laundry do-ER in our house...  Jeff has been...  but I just may be for awhile until the novetly of my new toy wears off... <hey, just being brutally honest here right?>   We had them installed yesterday.. and then Jeff and I sat on the floor watching the wash cycle... we've been washing and drying all sorts of things... it is huge! We cleaned out the dirty fridge that was in the garage and moved it to the laundry room. i have no idea how families survive w. only one fridge...

4. The ornament exchange party on Nov 30th (6th annual) I am having a week early this year... so many people have their weekends in December booked - so this is a good time. Then I realized last night that the party is the Friday after we get back from Texas (which is that Monday night) YIKES! I will not have any Christmas decorations up yet..  and will scramble to make sure the house is company clean. And i only have 2 ornaments.. i need a few more...

5. The office... home office... boxes and boxes... we bought a new desk.. i am loving it.. but it is sitting in the front room right now, until we clean out space for it and remove the giant table that has been serving as my desk since we moved in...

6. the new desk.. i am sitting at it now and i love it. it is so white and clean.. and up high.. it was a steal.. at $299. the same desk only slightly bigger sells at pottery barn for 1200$ and Jeff and I have been coveting it for a year now... We got a flyer in the mail for Pier One and they had this desk on sale.. the original price @ Pier One is $499... so a good deal - we bought two white chairs to go w. it..

7. Seeds... i bought these seeds a gazillion years ago.. well maybe like 2 months ago for some and 4 months for some others... i want a garden sooo soo much.... it is in our landscaping plan... but not a reality yet.. or in the near future.. but i do have these pots out front... that I am going to plant some of the mini seeds in... now if i can remember to water them... well that will be a challenge all on its own...

8. the landscaping.. we are mid project... at a standstill for a few weeks or months... having sports on the weekends, has hurt our work time for projects.. but it's all a trade off right? well we have grand plans for the backyard...  <more details for a separate post> but for now... it looks like this...

9. winter grass... it is coming in very nicely.. but the lovely orange fence is a nessecity (sp?).. to keep the dogs off it , which means they can't go into the dog run...

10. the dead mesquite tree.. We lost a mesquite tree a few weeks ago. a big tree by new arizona standards and the window pulled it plum out... so we had to chop it up for firewood after a valiant attempt to rescue it... the yard looks strange with out the huge tree looming over..

11. Spaghetti squash... having it for dinner...

12. vitamins. I HAVE to get back to taking them! I am the worst! I had a CT scan, bone density test and a mammogram last week... and i know i need to take those darn vitamins.. if i want to my future grandkids... right?  stuuuupid cancer... stupid menopause...

13. our schedule... we have a jam packed schedule. Tuesday night is the only night this week where we do NOT have anything going on.. until Sunday night... yikers... football practice, games... gymnastics.. mother son football game... dinner w. friends.. hockey... you name it.. we are doing it...

wow.. that was easier than i thought, i thought i would have trouble coming up w. 13.. I could even go on.. but i will stop here.

this is a picture into my psyche.. these ideas.. i call them pop-ups.. you know those annoying pop-ups that happen on your computer, you close one and another one pops up... you just about have to reboot the computer to make them stop.. my mind works exactly this way.. i cannot relax until I have addressed each pop up.. now that doesn't mean i have to solve every pop up or physicall do something other than acknowledge it.. i just need to process it, run through the game plan for it in my head and then it goes away for awhile...

I can't be the only one w. pop ups... what are you pop ups today?

I do need to add 14.. christmas list.. i mentally go thru my shopping list every day - who is left.. who has a gift.. where did i hide it.. do i have everything i need. i made a list in XLS so i can keep track... otherwise i get squirly...

worry

Worry:

wor·ry     /ˈwɜri, ˈwʌri/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[wur-ee, wuhr-ee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -ried, -ry·ing, noun, plural -ries.

–verb (used without object)

1.	to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.

2.	to move with effort: an old car worrying uphill.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to torment with cares, anxieties, etc.; trouble; plague.

4.	to seize, esp. by the throat, with the teeth and shake or mangle, as one animal does another.

5.	to harass by repeated biting, snapping, etc.

–noun

6.	a worried condition or feeling; uneasiness or anxiety.

7.	a cause of uneasiness or anxiety; trouble.

8.	act of worrying.

9.	Fox Hunting. the action of the hounds in tearing to pieces the carcass of a fox.

—Verb phrase

10.

worry along or through, Informal. to progress or succeed by constant effort, despite difficulty: to worry through an intolerable situation. worry...  to torment oneself... hmmm. To run scenarios through your mind over and over - the ultimate "what ifs"...  sometimes worry is not tangible.. it's one one big thing to worrry about.. that is easy for me to handle.. that I can always think about ok, what is the worst that can happen? can i survive the possible worst? yes, than ok then.. no biggie... but what about that impending feeling of something... something you can't describe.. that impending feeling that there is some shoe somewhere that is waiting to fall on your head.. How do you deal with that? How do you logically reason w. that? You can't explain it... you can't shake it... it's irrational.. it doesn't make logical sense... but it feels real... sometimes when things are going so well.. people can have that weird feeling... maybe it is from a lifetime of worry... i dunno. Some people who have always had secrets and lies in their life - never get used to the feeling of not having any anymore? some people are naturally  a worryer... someone inherited it.. is it just plain anxiety? that weird feeling , for no reason... it is a feeling that one does not deserver all the good things... one is so used to stress and bad things happening that this form of normalcy feels out of place and strange? who can answer that.. it must be different for everyone. Everyone has their own baggage or reasons.. Maybe they have such a good thing going that they fear losing it... Sometimes i feel that way about my job. I love the job.. it is perfect for me... in so many ways.. i get to work from home, i am home when my kids need me. I am doing work that i love... i am getting paid very well... i get paid for every hour that I work... and while I am not sr. level. I am good at what i do... but since i am contract... not a full fledge employee.. i worry it will be gone tomorrow.. silly isn't it? that is my stupid worry that I can't move on from... it does not consume me and i don't think about it every day... but somedays i do worry... what is your silly worry?